VACATION

Going on vacation for 2 weeks, starting on June 21st- July 5th. No posts until I'm back... take care

You Make Me Laugh!!

Another odd topic, but one that I know we can all relate to. Laughing...

It sure can make a person feel good. It can even hurt (physically). There are many different kinds of laughter. Some people's laughter makes a connection with yourself that brings out a laugh of your own.

I personally have a few people that I enjoy laughing with more than others. They're able to get me laughing, and I can get them to laugh. I think the thing I like about it is it's fun to get them to laugh, and I like hearing their deep, sincere chuckle.

I've heard that laughter is the best medicine. I guess in a way that's true. I've been in a crappy mood, and have had a good conversation with someone, and have had something strike me as funny, and my whole attitude changed.

There used to be this show on called "Make Me Laugh" and I used to like watching it, and trying not to laugh at them. Some of them were very tough to hold it in.

And of course there's a big difference between laughing and just smiling. I think with laughter you're touching a part down inside of a person. To smile is one thing, but to bring out a chortle, a chuckle, a snort, a giggle, a bellow... that's something different altogether.

Now the giggles is something that can land someone in trouble. Have you ever gotten the giggles with someone in a place where you shouldn't have? I've gotten the giggles in class, and in church. Not the best places to be snickering uncontrollably with someone else.

I like laughing every so often so hard that my stomach or my cheeks are sore. That's when I know that things are going to be fine, and that I really haven't changed too much. It feels good to laugh hard once in a while. A good belly laugh is a good for you, I think....

And that's the end of the rambling on this topic... Now go ahead a laugh at me! hehehe

The Salesman

A salesman checked into a futuristic motel.
Realizing he needed a haircut before his meeting
tomorrow, he called down to the desk clerk to ask
if there was a barber on the premises. "I'm afraid
not, sir," the clerk told him apologetically, "but
down the hall from your room is a vending
Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the
machine, inserted $15, and stuck his head into
the opening, at which time the machine started
to buzz and spin.

Fifteen seconds he pulled out his head and
surveyed his reflection, which reflected the
best haircut of his life.

Two feet away was another machine with a
sign that read, "Manicures $20." "Why not?"
he thought. He paid the money, inserted his
hands into the slot, and the machine started
to buzz and spin. Fifteen seconds later he
pulled out his hands and they were perfectly
manicured.

The next machine had a sign that read,
"Machine provides a service men need when
away from Their Wives, 50 Cents."

He looked both ways, put fifty cents in the
machine, unzipped his fly, and with some
anticipation, stuck his manhood into the
opening.

When the machine started buzzing, he let out
a shriek of agony and almost passed out.
Fifteen seconds later it shut off.
With trembling hands, he was able to withdraw
his member... which now had a button
neatly sewn on the end.

Where's George

Here's a site that I visit from time to time. It's a currency tracking website. It's kind of interesting to see where your bills go after you use them.

Sometimes when I get some cash- $1, $5, $10, $20 I'll go to this website and enter the serial number in. I also add where I got it from. Down the line it's neat to go back and see if anyone else has used the bill and logged it into wheresgeorge.com.

I think it'd be neat if more people would utilize this site. It'd be fun to see where our money has traveled.

So, log onto Where's George and register. Enter some of the serial numbers and see if the bills you have are in the system.

Heart Murmur

An eighty year old man was having an annual physical. As the doctor was listening to his heart with the stethoscope, he began muttering, "Oh oh !"

The man asked the doctor what the problem was.

"Well," said the doctor, "you have a serious heart murmur. Do you smoke?" "Do you drink in excess?"

"No," replied the man.

"Do you have a sex life?"

"Yes, I do!"

"Well," said the doctor, "I'm afraid with this heart murmur, you'll have to give up half your sex life."

Looking perplexed, the old man said, "Which half...the LOOKING or the THINKING ?"

Hiccups are annoying!

Hiccups are more annoying than anything for me at this moment!

How many times can a child wake themself up in the middle of the night hiccupping? It's not the fact that she wakes up anymore, it's the fact that in the past 2 night the little one has been awakened from hiccups.

The thing that really pisses me off is that there's not much you can do to get rid of them, at least with an infant. I feel like scaring the crap out of her, but that'd be pretty dumb. Thinking about it though provides some comfort.

I guess the main thing in all this is keeping a sense of humor. Many of you reading this are smirking right now, remembering past experiences that I'm encountering now.

"Honey, she's up again, and has the hiccups."

"Hiccup, Hiccup, Hiccup."

I try to calm her down and put her against my chest, and pat her back slowly. That doesn't do much, other than calming her down.

The thing is, if she wouldn't wake up from the stupid hiccups, she'd probably sleep for another hour or two, maybe more. Instead, she wakes up, and is then hungry.

I DON'T HAVE BOOBS! (Although sometimes she thinks I do...)

My wife usually pumps two bottles each morning, so I can help out in the middle of the night. I usually try to let her sleep from midnight to six, at the least. (I've missed out on her pumping the past few days because of sleeping after being up during the night, DOGGONE IT!)

The Newlyweds

The newlyweds
A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other. The Groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice.

"Father," he said, "I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage. I love my fiancée, very much, but you see, I have very smelly feet, and I'm afraid that my future wife will be put off by them."

"No problem," said dad, "all you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible, and always wear socks, even to bed." Well, to him this seemed a workable solution.

The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her problem up her mom. "Mom," she said, "When I wake up in the morning my breath is truly awful." "Honey," her mother consoled, "everyone has bad breath in the morning."

"No, you don't understand. My morning breath is so bad, I'm afraid that my new husband will not want to sleep in the same room with me."

Her mother said simply, "Try this. In the morning, get straight out of bed, and head for the bathroom and brush your teeth. The key is, not to say a word until you've brushed your teeth. Not a word," her mother affirmed.

Well, she thought it was certainly worth a try. The loving couple were finally married in a beautiful ceremony. Not forgetting the advice each had received, he with his perpetual socks and she with her morning silence, they managed quite well.

That is, until about six months later. Shortly before dawn, the husband wakes with a start to find that one of his socks had come off. Fearful of the consequences, he frantically searches the bed.

This, of course, woke his bride and without thinking, she immediately asks, "What on earth are you doing?" "Oh, no!" he gasped in shock, "You've swallowed my sock!"

Breasts - Better than TV?

Alright, my wife and I just had our first child. It has been a learning experience to say the least. I was given oodles of advice, and read a lot of books to prepare myself. Two weeks after the fact I think we've been doing quite well.

I know, I know... things can change on a daily basis, but I've really enjoyed the whole fatherhood experience so far.

My wife's boobs are off limits to me. There I admit it now. I never thought it'd happen, but I'm respecting that.

My wife is breastfeeding, which is the main topic of my post today. That means that I am helping most of the time. Our little one likes to doze off often. She'll usually eat well for 7-8 minutes and then drop off into deep sleep. I try to keep her awake by brushing her cheek, rubbing her feet, or caressing her head.

Many times this doesn't work. We've had to call upon higher measures to keep her awake long enough to get the nutrition she needs. I've used a cold cloth on her head, and this works well sometimes. She doesn't really like it that much and usually throws a little tantrum. I would too if I was trying to doze off and someone put something cold on my head. I'm doing it for a good reason...

So what about it all is better than TV?

I'll tell you what I'm talking about... it's the breast pump. Have you ever seen these things in action? The first time I watched my wife hooked up to it I was in amazement! I guess as a guy I've always been interested in the female breast, but to see it being put to use in that way was mesmerizing. I could have watched that thing pumping her boobs for hours. I never realized how amazing the human body could be. The whole pregnancy process really is fascinating. To see milk coming out of my wife's breasts, and to think that is being used to nourish and feed my little girl. Unbelievable.

It's a miracle!

Because of this wonderful invention, I can partake in the feeding of our child. I've been assigned the first shift after midnight. I love it so far. I can give my little girl a bottle and she falls asleep in my arms afterwards.

That too is much better than TV!

Strangers on a Train

A man and a woman, who have never met before, find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two are tired and fall asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, he leans over and gently wakes the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

She says, "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!!" he exclaims.

"Good," she replies. "Get your own damn blanket!"

After a moment of silence, he farted.

Are you Man enough for the Job?

For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

"We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!!!"

The man said, "You can't be serious, I could never shoot my wife"

The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."

The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room.

Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet.

The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, She wiped the sweat from her brow.

"This gun is loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair."