For Brainiacs Only!

This is a quiz for people who know everything! I found out in a hurry that I didn't. These are not trick questions. They are straight questions with straight answers.

Answers are in the comments section-

1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends.

2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?

3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables?

4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?

5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?

6. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters "dw" and they are all common words. Name two of them.

7. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least half of them?

8. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.

9. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter "S."

Answers are in the comments section-

Two Statues

In a city park stood two statues, one female and the other male. These two statues faced each other for many years.

Early one morning an angel appeared before the statues and said, "Since the two of you have been exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving you your greatest wish. I hereby give you the gift of life. You have 30 minutes to do whatever you desire." And with that command, the statues came to life.

The two statues smiled at each other, ran toward some nearby woods and dove behind a couple of bushes. The angel smiled to himself as he listened to the two statues giggling, bushes rustling and twigs snapping.

After 15 minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes, satisfied and smiling. Puzzled, the angel looked at his watch and asked the statues, "You still have 15 minutes. Would you like to continue?"

The male statue looked at the female and asked, "Do you want to do it again?"

Smiling, the female statue said, "Sure. But this time YOU hold the pigeon down and I'LL poop on its head!"

Presidential IQs

The Presidential IQ Report

WASHINGTON --In a published report, the Lovenstein Institute of Scranton, Pennsylvania has detailed findings of a four month study of the intelligence quotient of President George W. Bush. Since 1973, the Lovenstein Institute has published its research to the education community on each new president, which includes the famous "IQ" report among others.

According to statements in the report, there have been twelve presidents over the past 60 years, from F. D. Roosevelt to G. W. Bush who were all rated based on scholarly achievements, writings that they alone produced without aid of staff, their ability to speak with clarity, and several other psychological factors which were then scored in the Swanson/Crain system of intelligence ranking. The study determined the following IQs of each president as accurate to within five percentage points:

147	Franklin D. Roosevelt (D)
132	Harry Truman (D)
122	Dwight D. Eisenhower (R)
174	John F. Kennedy (D)
126	Lyndon B. Johnson (D)
155	Richard M. Nixon (R)
121	Gerald R. Ford (R)
176	James E. Carter (D)
105	Ronald W. Reagan (R)
98	George H. W. Bush (R)
182	William J. Clinton (D)
91	George W. Bush (R)

The six Republican presidents of the past 60 years had an average IQ of 115.5, with President Nixon having the highest IQ, at 155. President G. W. Bush was rated the lowest of all the Republicans with an IQ of 91.

The six Democrat presidents had IQs with an average of 156, with President Clinton having the highest IQ, at 182. President Lyndon B. Johnson was rated the lowest of all the Democrats with an IQ of 126.

No president other than Carter (D) has released his actual IQ, 176. Among comments made concerning the specific testing of President GW Bush, his low ratings were due to his apparent difficulty to command the English language in public statements, his limited use of vocabulary (6,500 words for Bush versus an average of 11,000 words for other presidents), his lack of scholarly achievements other than a basic MBA, and an absence of any body of work which could be studied on an intellectual basis.

The complete report documents the methods and procedures used to arrive at these ratings, including depth of sentence structure and voice stress confidence analysis. "All the Presidents prior to George W. Bush had a least one book under their belt, and most had written several white papers during their education or early careers.

Not so with President Bush," Dr. Lovenstein said. "He has no published works or writings, so in many ways that made it more difficult to arrive at an assessment. We had to rely more heavily on transcripts of his unscripted public speaking."

The Lovenstein Institute of Scranton Pennsylvania think tank includes high caliber historians, psychiatrists, sociologists, scientists in human behavior, and psychologists. Among their ranks are Dr. Werner R. Lovenstein, world-renowned sociologist, and Professor Patricia F. Dilliams, a world-respected psychiatrist. This study was commissioned on February 13, 2001, and released on July 9, 2001, to subscribing member universities and organizations within the education community.

** This report was evidently a hoax. Some major newspapers needed to retract their statements after buying into the false claims.

Fuel- It's a pain in the GAS

How high will fuel costs soar? Are the prices changing your plans? I have to admit they're starting to change mine, and I'm tired of it!

I live about 50 miles from my job. We're talking about moving closer to that, and I'm also applying for some jobs closer. If costs go above $4/gallon, which they're supposed to, that'll be about $70 per week that I'm spending just on gas.

In response, I propose the following signs be put at exit ramps on all freeways and highways that advertise fuel.

Spaghetti

A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian
woman for a few years.

One night, during one of their rendezvous, she
confided in him that she was pregnant.

Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage,
he paid her a large sum of money if she would go
to Italy to have the child. If she stayed in Italy,
he would also provide child support until the child
turned 18.

She agreed, but wondered how he would know when the
baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to
mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the
back. He would then arrange for child support.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his
confused wife.

"Honey," she said, "you received a very strange post
card today."

"Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it
later," he said.


The wife obeyed, and watched as her husband read
the card, turned white, and fainted.




On the card was written "Spaghetti, Spaghetti,
Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without."

0 to 200 in 4 seconds

The couple had been debating the
purchase of a new auto for weeks.
He wanted a new truck. She wanted
a fast little sports-like car so
she could zip through traffic
around town.

He would probably have settled for
any beat up old truck, but everything
she that seemed to like was way out
of  their price range.

"Look!" she said. "I want something
that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds
or  less.  And my birthday is coming
up. You surprise me!"


For her birthday, he bought her a brand
new bathroom scale.




Services are pending and it will be
a closed casket!

More Laughs

HA HA HA HA

Today is my one year anniversary with this blog. YAY!

Pull the Plug

A man and his wife are sitting in the living room. He says to her, "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, depending on some machine. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

She gets up and unplugs the TV.