A Dog's Christmas

A Dog's Rules For Christmas

1. Be especially patient with your humans during this time. They may appear to be more stressed-out than usual and they will appreciate long comforting dog leans.

2. They may come home with large bags of things they call gifts. Do not assume that all the gifts are yours.

3. Be tolerant if your humans put decorations on you. They seem to get some special kind of pleasure out of seeing how you look with fake antlers.

4. They may bring a large tree into the house and set it up in a prominent place and cover it with lights and decorations. Bizarre as this may seem to you, it is an important ritual for your humans, so there are some things you need to know:

a. Don't pee on the tree

b. Don't drink water in the container that holds the tree

c. Mind your tail when you are near the tree

d. If there are packages under the tree, even ones that smell interesting or that have your name on them, don't rip them open

e. Don't chew on the cord that runs from the funny-looking hole in the wall to the tree

5. Your humans may occasionally invite lots of strangers to come visit during this season. These parties can be lots of fun, but they also call for some discretion on your part:
a. Not all strangers appreciate kisses and leans

b. Don't eat off the buffet table

c. Beg for goodies subtly

d. Be pleasant, even if unknowing strangers sit on your sofa

e. Don't drink out of glasses that are left within your reach

6. Likewise, your humans may take you visiting. Here your manners will also be important:

a. Observe all the rules in #4 for trees that may be in other people's houses. (4a is particularly important)

b. Respect the territory of other animals that may live in the house

c. Tolerate children

d. Turn on your charm big time

7. A big man with a white beard and a very loud laugh may emerge from your fireplace in the middle of the night.
DON'T BITE HIM!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!!! And Happy New Year Too!!

Fruedian Slips (or) Slips of the Lip

These crack me up more than a lot of things. I have the unfortunate ability to have this happen to me here and there. Have you ever meant to say something, but have something else leak out instead, obscene or not? I get a kick out of some of the things that I hear.

Sometimes your thoughts get the best of you, and you say words you really didn't want to say.

Please feel free to share some of yours in the comment section as well.

In class one day we were discussing a book we were reading. Instead of saying ax, he said ass, saying something like..."he could have used an ass, err ax" He immediately felt bad about it, and I had to try really hard not to laugh, because he wasn't the type of student to say anything like that.

The weatherman stated "So, expect the weather to get a bit nipply, I mean nippy tonight."

"A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother."

One man is telling his friend: "I had the worst Freudian Slip the other day."

"What is a Freudian Slip?" the friend asks.

"You know, it's when you mean to say one thing, but you say something else that reveals what you are really thinking about. Like the other day I was at the airport and this really beautiful lady was helping me. Instead of asking her for 'two tickets to Pittsburgh', I asked her for 'to Pickets to Tittsburgh."

"Oh, now I know what you are talking about," the friend says, "It's like the other day when I was having breakfast with my wife. I wanted her to pass me the Orange Juice, and instead I said, 'YOU RUINED MY LIFE!"

(Not me, found it) Last christmas I was helping my young niece do some drawing. She drew a 'smiley' in green crayon and told me it was a pea. She then went on to put hair and a hat on it, to which I said 'oh look you made it lose its pea-ness'. All the adults at the party were in hysterics, I was curled up in embarrassment and my niece was perplexed as to everyone's reaction

Those are a few I've found - - I also found this site with our President's slip ups.. (there are tons) Here are a few funny ones.

“Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?” ~ George W. Bush

“Sometimes when I sleep at night I think of ’Hop on Pop’.” ~ George W. Bush

“The question is, how many hands have I shaked.” ~ George W. Bush

“I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family.” ~ George W. Bush

If you have any, or know any others, please share... I'm cracking up!