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3/29/2006

How to Shower:

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry
hamper according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you
see husband along the way, cover up any exposed
areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror -- make
mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg
cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo
with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner
enhanced.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for
10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa
cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mold spots with Tilex.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country. * Wrap
hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and
towel on head. If you see husband along the way,
cover up any exposed areas.

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the
bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her
making the woo-woo sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire
the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.
Get in the shower.
Wash your face.
Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse
them off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and
surrounding area.
Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs
stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
Pee.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was
hanging out of tub the whole time.
Admire wiener size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light
and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you
pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and
make the woo-woo sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed.
If there is anyone among you who did not laugh at
the truth behind this, there is something SO very
wrong with you. Have a great day!
Oh, and....woo woo!!!

5 Comments:

Blogger boston terrier photo blog said...

so true

12:12 AM

 
Anonymous Korean Celt said...

Ha, ha. That's a good one.

8:43 AM

 
Blogger Dr.John said...

Is this why my wife takes more baths than I do ? She won't leave the house without taking a bath.

9:01 AM

 
Blogger phlegmfatale said...

this is hilarious

2:45 AM

 
Blogger Faye Nicole Hines said...

One time I found a bat out on deck of my apartment. I found this to be a great read. Thank you.

11:03 AM

 

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