Birth Order

My wife and I are expecting our first born anytime. The official due date is the 30th, so a week from today. We are very excited. I'd like to dedicate the next few posts to parenthood, expecting parents, and babies. Here's the first one:

The Birth Order of Children

Your Clothes:

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon
as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.

2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as
long as possible.

3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular
clothes.
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Preparing for the Birth:

1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.

2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that
last time,breathing didn't do a thing.

3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth
month.
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The Layette:

1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes,
color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly
in the baby's little bureau.

2nd baby: You check to make sure that the
clothes are clean and discard only the ones
with the darkest stains.

3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
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Worries:

1st baby: At the first sign of distress--
a whimper,a frown--you pick up the baby.

2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her
wails threaten to wake your firstborn.

3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old
how to rewind the mechanical swing.
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Pacifier:

1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the
floor, you put it away until you can go
home and wash and boil it.

2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the
floor, you squirt it off with some juice
from the baby's bottle.

3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt
and pop it back in.
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Diapering:

1st baby: You change your baby's diapers
every hour, whether they need it or not.

2nd baby: You change their diaper every
two to three hours,if needed.

3rd baby: You try to change their diaper
before others start to complain about the
smell or you see it sagging to their knees.
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Activities:

1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics,
Baby Swing,and Baby Story Hour.

2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.

3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket
and the dry cleaner.
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Going Out:

1st baby: The first time you leave your baby
with a sitter,you call home five times.

2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door,
you remember to leave a number where you can be
reached.

3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter
to call only if she sees blood.
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At Home:

1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day
just gazing at the baby.

2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching
to be sure your older child isn't squeezing,
poking, or hitting the baby.

3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day
hiding from the children.
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Swallowing Coins (a favorite):

1st child: When first child swallows a coin,
you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.

2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you
carefully watch for the coin to pass.

3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you
deduct it from his allowance!